Torn

"Nothing's fine, I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel"

-- Natalie Imbruglia

A recent photo of a dear girlfriend sent the whole clique in bitchy mode. Her holiday pictures that she put up on her profile had shown a certain significant weight gain and naturally, girls being girls, friends being friends, bitchings was started by yours-truly.

Actually, I do admit I was surprised by her "new look" (although I know unflattering angles played a part too) but I wasn't shocked.

Basically, its the holidays.

Everyone eats.

Including me.

My previous post is already a testament to that.

Of course, I admit, I need the exercise badly, be it weight-lifting (for strengthening of the leg) or cardio (for weight-loss).

But it is the food too that's causing the weight gain.

I was just reading up on how celebrities maintained their bodies on the tight exercise and eating regime. I was thinking, wow, must be good, all that pilates would do much justice for my fats now.

And then I saw their food.

Jessica Biel follows a routine that involves 5 small meals a day, mostly comprising of lean meats and vegetables while staying away from sugar, dairy (eggs!!!) and flour. Actually, I love eggs a lot, there was a time I could eat up to 5 in a day. Nowadays I cut it down to maximum 2, occasionally 3, as I know my favourite egg yolk has the highest cholestrol content. So I went thinking, hmm, Jessica Biel's diet probably could do for me, since I love meat and vegetables.

I pondered and came to this conclusion.

If anyone in this house goes on a diet, its at the expense of hurting my mother's feelings. There she had cooked something after rushing home from work and all I do is tell her I'm not eating her food, sad isn't it?

Now of course, what she would cook would usually taste so good (except for things I really don't eat especially cockles, yucks) that it would make me feel TORN to not eat those calories-rich food.

Especially when I am broke and have no means to choose my meals (free meals are "sponsored" by parents who definitely don't practise any strict diet, hence including cholestrol-bursting foods, cheap meals are mostly plain unhealthy).

These factors do not leave me with much choice, do they?

Damn it, I can't diet at all.

HEEEEEEELP!!!